A Cornucopia of Corny Thanksgiving Jokes, Straight Off the Cob
Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes – a building can’t jump at all.
What are unhappy cranberries called?
What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
How To Cook A Turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey Step
3: Put turkey in the oven Step
4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out
Luke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Luke: “Google, google, google.”
A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
Caleb: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Caleb: A turkey.
Pat: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Jerry: I don’t know. What?
Pat: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.