Who’s Got Dumb Jokes to Help Kill the Monotony of Your Day? We’ve Got Jokes
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Everything’s fine. He woke up.
What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?
Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
Why don’t teddy bears ever order dessert.
Because they’re always stuffed.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
He’s all right now.
What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because he had a great fall.
I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…
And then it hit me.
What do computers snack on?
How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
How do trees get online?
They log in.
Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Money doesn’t grow on trees, right?
So why does every bank have so many branches?
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
There’s no point.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says, “Spit out your gum” and the other says, “Choo choo choo.”
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines everywhere!
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot!
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4, it would be chicken sedan.
Why do hippos wear red toenail polish?
To hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen a hippo in a cherry tree?
No? Then it must be working!